Monday, August 25, 2008

Crossroads

There have been many times in my life when I've felt myself at a major crossroad. At these times, it feels like every decision is critical, and that every matter weighs heavily on my brain. The anxiety level climbs, and it's hard to focus on the immediate matters at hand.So many issues to consider, with so many blurred together.

Career- Am I doing what I always dreamed? No. I'm not writing or editing, and I feel like I spent 4 years putting myself through college as a single parent for nothing.Even though I enjoy the people I work with, frankly, at this point, my job is solely to pay the bills. And, if a certain something doesn't work out with this job, I may have to start looking for a new one, which I really don't want to do. I'm stuck as what to do.

Crafts- I've worked so hard on my jewelry, and now I'm just stuck. I've built my own website, and promoted my arse off, and even bought advertising, but still, not ONE sale from my site. I've pretty much given up on the craft show circuit this year already, because the crappy economy is making sales hard. Or maybe that's just what I'm telling myself to feel better about things. For now, I'm knitting hats and trying to decide what to do about the future of my jewelry. Anyone want a hat?

Kids- I constantly feel like I need to step it up a notch with the wee people in my life. I feel like there's so much that I'm giving them, and I have to make a change. I'm going to try to work it out so that G can do soccer this year. I'm going to try to have the money ready when it's time, and make sure I can find the time to drive him to practices, even if it means sucking it up and asking work to leave early one day a week for the season. And K? Maybe a dance class. If I can sell some body parts. All in all, I need to make some efforts to give them more of my time and less of my frustrations. Maybe bake some cookies instead of worrying about the laundry. I just have to figure out how to do that.

My Weight- I've been trying to eat healthy, but I just don't feel like it's working. Most days I wonder if I should join the gym or just give up and enjoy a plate of fries already...

GH- Though his attitude has been remarkably better since starting work, there are still issues. The biggest? Fighting for his attention over his online games. Frankly, I'm tired of being neglected for his fantasy life. I've brought this up a million times, but despite promises of change, I still find myself alone in my bed most nights, falling asleep by myself. Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can take being second fiddle to a game. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if was having sex more than once a month, sometimes two months. I'm committed to my marriage, but it's hard when you feel like you're the only one.

Of course, these are just the highlights, and brief synopsis' at that. All I know is some things have to change. And I have to stop being so afraid, and make it happen...

3 comments:

Alisha Wilson said...

I felt like everything was going wrong a while back, but the way I look at it if you keep inching your self in the right direction a little at a time things will get better. Just keep on the right track with everything and it will get better. YOu struggle and struggle but then one day you will be like "wow things just got easier"
Job-Keep applying for things you do want to do, it's much easier to find a job when you have a job
Jewelry- Your work is amazing every time I ware something you made I get compliments, just keep at it, try to get your stuff in high end boutiques people equate price with quality.
Kids- They love you no matter what, I think having a more positive attitude is a good idea, and spending more time is also good. As for expensive dance lessons just do what you can. start with a good attitude and go from there.
Your Weight- Change your diet one step at a time, walk on your lunch break and join a gym, it feels so good to work out even though it's hard to go at first.
The man- Read "men are from mars and woman are from venus", get him to read it too, then read "mars and venus on a date." You can't fix him but you can fix your self, in the mean time get a dildo it works wonders.

Maddy said...

Well you have a lot on your plate!

Hopefully things will calm down a bit with the start of the new school year and give us a moment to breathe.

I looked at your jewelry site and it is quite lovely and now I hear you built the site yourself as well!

You obviously have a great deal of talent.
Best wishes

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