Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bad, Bad, Bad....

So, I've been bad. Bad, bad- the world's worse blogger.

Sometimes life just moves to fast to distill it on a blog page. Sometimes it's just so slow that there don't seem to be any gems to share. And sometimes....well..... I'm just plain tired......

Since I last touched base with the blogging world, I've gotten a new job. After almost two months of searching, I'm working in a warehouse running auto parts. It's hard. It's dirty. I have bruises, scratches, and pain everyday. I've also lost almost 20lbs now. There aren't many things that are too great about it, except for the fact that I get to work with one of my best friends, and I have a steady paycheck again.

On the kids front, well, G has decided that school is boring, but is doing well in all of his classes. He got shot over the eye by a neighbor's pellet gun. He's loving Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and working on writing his own book with a friend. The same one who shot him in the face.

K is not doing do hot in school this year. According to her teacher, she's been having a much better time socializing with her friends than doing any actual work. We're having a parent teacher conference on Tuesday, and I'm not looking forward to it. She's far to smart to be acting like a dumb ass......

GH is working a new job as well and is enjoying it. Good for him.

The dogs are fabulous. You can always visit them at

I promise to be here more often......

Monday, July 20, 2009

And Life Goes On

Well, it has officially just passed a month since I've been out of work.

This month has taught me a lot of things. For instance, being a full time mom is hard work- and I love it. I think I may even be getting good at it. I've even "adopted" a few kids in the neighborhood to take with us on our various day trips. These kids have told me I'm a cool mom, and those words have meant more to me than any praise I've ever received at any job.

I've also learned how to live on virtually no money. This is a lot of work as well. During the week I've been taking the kids to the free lunch program they do through the school system. At first, I was a little embarrassed to go, but frankly, we need it, and the kids love it. The people there are really nice and have never made me feel ashamed. Through that program we even learned of a free monthly community dinner that we went to the other night. I've learned to swallow my pride along with my food.

In order to make money, I've held a yard sale, done some dog sitting, and sold as much of jewelry as I can. I squeeze pennies 'till they cry. And even now, amongst the stress of having no money, I feel better than I have in a long time. I'm finding myself again, and feeling good. I've stopped taking my antidepressants, and focused on the things I love.

I still have decisions to make about my life as I continue to apply for jobs. If I can make it work, I'd love to find a way to stay at home. If not, I'll take another job and not allow it to eat me from the inside again. In the meantime, I have craft shows I'm registered for, kids to entertain, dogs to play with, and, well, life to live....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Once again, I vanished from the blogging world to deal with life issues. I was so mentally ill due to harassment I was receiving at work that I could barely function, let alone blog.

I'm happy to report however, that thanks to my doctor, my counselor, and the support of my family, I found the strength to leave that toxic environment and take back control of my life. Even after a few days I'm already feeling more like myself than I have in a long time.

It was impossibly hard to make the decision to leave my job. After all, I'm the main financial support of our family, and in this economy, it's harder than ever to find a job. But I had to. I was suffering, and in turn, my family was suffering.

And now it's all about getting back to things I enjoy, and that includes blogging. I know I'm going to have to work hard to reestablish all of my bloggy relationships, but I look forward to getting to know you all again :)

Thursday, May 07, 2009

It's All Relative

Lately G has been really interested in the Bible and going to church. Even though my husband and I don't have an active faith, we both agreed we would never deter the kids from exploring religion. Unfortunately, G asks a lot of really technical questions about God and what not that I just don't know how to answer. I told him the next time he saw GH's grandma, he should ask her about it, as she's an avid, but not fanatical, church goer.

When GH's grandma came up for a visit a few weeks ago, they talked a lot about the Bible. While we were driving to the beach, grandma began telling G the story of Moses. At one point she told G that Moses' mother taught him all about the faith and the history of the Israelites.

G thought about this for a moment.

"I bet she didn't have to tell him a lot of things. There wasn't a lot of history way back then."

Leave it to G to glean this piece of information from the story of Moses.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


So, a week or so ago I decided to take down this blog. Things have just been so stressful lately, that I felt I no longer had anything worthwhile to share. I figured my little blog wouldn't be missed.

But surprisingly, things have happened this past week that really made me want to write a post here. And you know what? Hell with it! So waht if I'm not as witty or entertaining as other bloggers? Who cares if sometimes I'm a total bummer? This is my blog damn it, my outlet. So there.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, here's what is currently stressing me out:

1.) Our basement has been flooded with sewage, along with the apartment building next door that's connected to the same sewer line. The carpet, and furniture in our basement guest room is soaked in sewage and causing our house to reek of mildew and plague me with nightmares of eColi. The landlord is doing what they can, but it's just not enough, or fast enough for my peace of mind. Last night GH and I were on our hands and knees in the basement removing sewage soaked carpet for the rent reduction our landlords have promised. The verdict? I do not look good in disposable coveralls and rubber gloves. Go figure.

2.) Work has been a challenge lately. I'm feeling a bit burnt out, and having fantasies of starting my own dog grooming business. Nothing unusual there. If only I could hurry up and win the lottery already.

3.) The kids have been stir crazy from a long winter, and are expressing it by generally irritating the crap out of each other. I'm so glad it's finally nice enough to send them outside.

4.) Owning our first house seems so close and yet so far. I've done all things that are humanly possible to fix our credit, and now it's just a waiting game for the scores to go up. I'm terribly impatient. I want to be in a new house NOW! The waiting without being able to do anything is just killing me.

And of course the others. Money. Not sleeping well. The upcoming craft fairs I'm not prepared for. Figuring out what to do with my life. So, as I muck through it, I will continue to post here. It's much better than strangling friends and family.....

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Lame at Life

I've been waiting and waiting to post something interesting, funny, quirky..... waiting, and waiting. Apparently my life is pretty lame of late, with nothing even remotely interesting to report.

On the plus side, after paying off my collection accounts in February, my credit is finally starting to turn around, and it looks like we'll be able to start looking into a house this Fall at the latest. Yeah! I'm meeting with a mortgage company today to see what I can do to my credit up as fast as possible. In the meantime, I've been drooling over house available for a few more months.

I'm still employed, and every time I hear about someone losing their job, I say a little "thank you" to the Universe for making sure I still have one. Let's please keep that up Universe.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Worry Wart

I've always been a worry wart. This in turn, has made me into a planner, so that I could try to combat all of the worries I could possibly foresee. My planning skills make my husband mental, but keep me feeling as secure as possible.

These days the worries are all the more intense- from worrying about keeping my job in this ever sinking economy, to worrying about something happening to my kids, to worrying that I'll never be able to own a home with the credit market the way it is. Worries, worries, worries, everywhere you turn.

Aside from rabid planning, worry often turns in to anxiety. Lately when small things begin to snowball in my stressed out brain, the anxiety builds until my skin becomes hot an itchy and my insides feels like their going to turn inside out. The anxiety hovers on the edge of my consciousness, always ready to strike, to put me in a strangle hold of fear and tension.
It breaks up my concentration, and leaves me out of focus and irritable.

Though I've been trying different ways to help me through the anxiety attacks, I think I'll always be a worrier at my core. But, it's not always a bad thing. Worrying over bills keeps me on top of our finances. Worrying about the kids keeps me a vigilant parent. Worrying about loosing my job makes me work harder in order to keep it.

So here's to my worry, and to all of the other worriers out there as we try to muddle through the best we can...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

You Know You're a Lame Ass When........

- New area rugs are the highlight of your month

- Invited to go out for drinks at one of the hippest places in town, with some of the coolest women you know, you decline in favor of crawling into your pj's and cuddling with your dogs while watching the latest episode of Dollhouse

- When you find yourself looking forward to taking your daughter to see the Hannah Montana movie, because it will an exciting night out on the town

- The last place you went out to eat ended with the word "buffet" or featured people in costumes
-"Sleeping In" is anything past 6 a.m.

Monday, March 02, 2009

WTF Snow!?!

Open Letter to Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

We've had some good times together, right? You had the grace not to rain on my wedding, and have given us some lovely summers at the beach. The winters, I deal with- I know that's my burden to bear for choosing to live in Maine. So in the winter months, I clench my jaw, wake up an hour early, and go shovel out the damn driveway so I can inch my way to work. I accept that.
But seriously? I'm done. Why is it you keep choosing to dump mind boggling piles of snow on me on Sunday nights? Do you not think my Monday mornings are quite joyous enough? Do you snicker while I swear out in the driveway, coffee-less, and falling on my rear in the snow just so I can start my week off wet, cold and generally pissed off? And seriously, do you really have to do this in March, while I'm carrying the emergency work pager, so every single person I work with can call me at the butt-crack of dawn and tell me they're not coming in to work? Seriously?!
So now I will humbly grovel for your mercy. Please, no more. One more shovel full of snow on a Monday morning, and I may go postal......

Yours Truly,


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Back to Reality

The kids are back from Vermont and back to school. I'm back to work and being a mom. The transition has been rough for us all. The kids miss skiing, being spoiled rotten by their grandparents, and having all of their favorite cousins to play with. I miss sleeping in, eating when I felt like it, a house that stayed clean, and the calm quiet.

Now the house ripples with fighting children, and small messes seep from every corner. We're all exhausted from re-entry into the real world. Who knew one week could get us all out of whack.

So, now we all struggle to adjust and dream of those vacation days just so recently gone by. It was a great break for all of us. I think every family needs one of those now and again...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

So Far..... very good. My dad came and picked the kids up on Friday night, and GH and I have been trying to sneak in as many moments of extra sleep, grown up shows on the living room television, and mouthfuls of fresh steamed spinach as we can cram in.

The water pump on my car went this past week, causing me to spend all of our vacation money on getting my car back on the road. We had planned a nice dinner out at our favorite restaurant, and I was really looking forward to going shopping for some new pants. Instead, we bought some nice groceries, rented a few movies, and I'll make myself content in my old faded pants.

But I can't complain. For V-Day we made toasted sandwiches, tomato salad and excellent alcoholic beverages. And then we went to bed early. Because we good. I know it sounds lame to revel in going to bed early, but such is my life- and I'm loving it.

The kids are having a blast with their cousins in Vermont, and I know we'll all be happy and relaxed when we see each other again.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Ode to February Vacation

(This post is part of Painted Maypole's Monday Missions)

Oh lovely parents of mine

You take my children for days at a time.

You give my poor brain a much needed rest

And that is why, simply, I think you're the best.

This time please keep them

The entire week.

To return them early

Please do not seek.

Take them skiing and sledding

And spoil the rotten-

So some sleep and good food

On my end can be gotten

Friday, February 06, 2009

Life at An Even Keel

Things continue to go smoothly on the home front. I know I'm probably jinxing myself by writing this, but I can't help it- there's nothing more exciting to report.

I sent out checks to all of my debt collects on Monday this week, and half of them have already been cashed. While I'm sad at the missing money, it does feel good to get our debt cleared up and know soon we can start seriously looking at houses. I feel grown-up and terribly responsible.

February vacation is looming brightly in our future. The kids will be visiting Vermont for the week, and GH and I will be left kid free. I've taken the week off to work on my jewelry and to nap and play with dogs. I can't wait to have a break. GH and I even have plans to go out to a nice adult dinner where we can drink wine and eat foods the kids would find revolting. Mmmmm.....

Until then, we'll be starting the dogs in obedience classes, which we'll be doing as a family and should be an interesting time. I've also promised the kids a trip to the movies this weekend to see Coroline.

And so I count my blessings every day as the news reports job cuts, and budget cuts, and record unemployment. I go to work grateful that I have a job, and come home glad I can feed and house my family. As scary as the world is right now, it's certainly making me thankful for everything I have. I hope life continues to remain even, and boring, for a long time....

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Lazy Days

The past week has been filled with snow, and cold, and a general sluggishness. Our heating fuel has been zapped at an alarming rate due to a few below zero days and it's hard to find the drive to do anything but laze around the house.

On another note, I've received an email that says our tax return will be deposited in just a few days. I'm very excited, and spending most of today setting up letters and checks to go out to the credit agencies I plan to pay off. Though I hate to hand over such a large chunk of money, it feels good to know that that burden will soon be lifted, and we'll be that much closer to buying our own home. With what's left over, I've promised to take the kids to the movies with next weekend.

So for today, it's chicken soup, chocolate chip cookies, and movies in front of the space heater. I wouldn't have it any other way....

Saturday, January 24, 2009


So, we got a call home from school the other day, informing us that G had gotten into a fight with another boy on the playground. The worse part? G had kicked the other boy in the family jewels.

Now, being a female, I was a little shocked. I didn't think dudes ever kicked each other in the junk. I pretty much thought this was encoded into their DNA. Was this just another social cue that G had missed due to his Aspergers?

Baffled, I asked GH. "Isn't kicking another guy in the junk a violation of the man law or something? I thought guys just didn't do that. "

"Well, when you're half the guy's size, you use every advantage you can get." He said, shrugging.

"But we didn't even see the kid, how do you know G was half his size."

"Honey, G is half the size of all the kids."

True, I will give him that. So, is this size thing a man rule loophole? I have so much to learn about raising a boy......

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Prozac Nation

Things have finally seemed to even out. Even though the weekend was a bit hectic die to work (I was carrying our on-call pager this week), I still managed to find time to bake cookies, let the kids frolic in a blizzard, and even watch "A Cinderella Story" with my daughter. I did my best to relax, to enjoy, and I think I did all right.

The journey towards happiness and mental stability is a long one, a hard one, and one that never ends for some people. I like to think that with the steps I've been taking lately, I'm bounding down that road, getting closer to feeling like a complete person. I have so many wonderful things in my life, that I just want to be able to enjoy them to my fullest.

For so long, I've struggled with depression. It's something I can admit now, out loud and unashamed, and it's o.k. I'm finally taking control. Counseling is going well, and this Monday my PCP prescribed antidepressants. They'll take about a month to be effective, but I'm eager for the change. I want to be a better person for my family and for myself. I have big dreams for us, and I can't let things stand in my way anymore. I'm on the road, and walking steadily ahead....

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Yesterday I got W-2's for me and GH and I was super excited to get taxes filed so we could get our tax refund. After carefully plugging all of our info into H&R Block online, I was ecstatic to learn that we have enough to pay off all of our bad debt, and go out for a nice dinner with what's leftover. No fun toys or furniture this year, but this is going to get us into our own house so much faster.

I talked to another mortgage lender today, and she said once we pay that off, if we could get a secured credit card that would help our credit as well. She said that within a few months, we should be looking at buying a house!!!! Yeah!

And now that that seems to be in place, I get nervous. Every time something seems to good to be true, I often assume it is. So now I'm having paranoid delusions about our tax return not going through, that there will be some kind of problem. I try to keep the anxiety from taking over, but sometimes it's hard when you're counting on something so much.

So for now I'll wait it out for the next few days and try not to worry. It's freezing here, so I hope to do some baking this weekend and maybe watch a good movie with the kids. I'll do my best to drown my anxiety in cookie dough and board games, with smiles and family warmth.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Kicking Debt's Ass

Realizing that we aren't going to approved for a mortgage anytime soon has really been dragging me down. I keep picturing homes that are all ours- where we can paint, knock down walls, plant gardens, and have a bazillion dogs without ever having to ask permission. Sometimes I throw in a jewelry studio in a quaint little out building. Sometimes there's Alpacas, which I will groom and spin yarn from to feed my newest knitting obsession. Hey, fantasies don't have to be reasonable right? Especially when you're wallowing?

So, after shedding some tears, screaming in frustration, and being generally depressed, I'm finally ready to start kicking some ass. I'm finally ready to stop sniffling and start taking charge of things. If nothing else, I'm a planner, and I'll do my best to use all of my mega-planning skills to fix our credit and get us on track to getting us a mortgage.

Now, my bad credit debt isn't huge by any means. Actually, by all standards it's very manageable. Basically it's a accumulation of medical debts from when we were without insurance, and few random other crappies. So, in a move of completely faked bravery, I'm putting all of my debt out there for everyone to see, and tracking my progress paying it off through my blog. This will become a part of my motivation to keep things on track.

So, without further ado, here are my collection debts:

Mean Collector #1:
$453.78 - This is a phone bill that my ex left me with after calling me collect for about a month. The original bill was $605, but they agreed to settle with me for this amount with a payment of $75 per month. I think I can hack that.

Mean Collector #2:
$75- Medical
$107- Medical
$159- Medical

I asked if they could combine these into one account and accept payments. They said no. I asked if they would settle with me for less. They said no. Ass hats.

Mean Collector #3:
$427- Medical, for my daughter's lovely stitches she needed right after I moved to Maine and had no medical insurance. But I digress....
$105- Medical
$95- Medical
$95- Medical
$288- Medical
$137- Medical

These guys also refused to combine accounts and accept payments, or settle for a lesser amount. Gah.

So, the total amount of bad credit accounts I need to pay off is $1514.78. It's a big amount for me, but not too huge all things considered. I just have to take a big breath, bite the bullet, and start paying things off one by one. My goal is to pay off one bad debt per month minimum. This month won't happen, as we're still catching up from Christmas, but I'm ready to get it going in February.

In order to track my progress, I'm going to put a widget on my side bar to show what's been paid, and to beg for money :)

If anyone has any tips, or knows of any help available to pay off old medical bills, please share. In the meantime, I'm going to chisel away the best I can. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The Progress

So far, the New Year's resolutions have already taken a hit. Yesterday, my mortgage application, the one that I was pretty much assured would go through, was denied. This was after we had found the house of dreams the day before. I'm seriously crushed. The mortgage man told me that a year ago, my application would have passed easily, but because of the current state of the market. My portfolio just wasn't strong enough. He gave me some tips on strengthening it, and told me we could revisit it again in six months. Crap.

Of course, right after I received this news, I had my first therapy session. There was a lot of crying involved. However, I really liked the woman I met with, and think this is going to be super helpful. Good times.

On the plus side, G has had a phenomenal week! He's avoided meltdowns and even cleaned his room without one complaint! It's like a belated Christmas miracle. Right now, I'll take what I can get, and that's a big gift indeed.