And Now For The Down Swing...

It's been a long time since G has had a real, full blown fit. The summer has been smooth. Day camp has kept him stimulated, and left him pleasantly exhausted at the end of the day. He had a 9 day hiatus to Vermont to visit his grandparents and a gaggle of cousins.

Even though deep down I knew it couldn't last, I chose not to think about it. One of the most unpleasant aspects of his Asperger's was in a kind of remission, and I was enjoying the ride.

And then there was Tuesday.

Tuesday morning, I was frustrated to discover that not only had G forgotten to bring his bathing suit home for the billionth day in row, but he had also forgotten his water bottle and lunch bag. In a fever of pure desperation, I told G that if he forgot to bring home the forgotten items, as well as the alternate bathing suit I was packing for him, then he wouldn't be able to play his Game Boy after camp.

The Game Boy, a 13-year-old antique he inherited from my brother, has been G's most recent, and most enduring obsession. I knew it was the one item I could use to my advantage.

When I went to pick him up that afternoon, I checked his backpack, and, low-and-behold, only the lunch bag had made it into the bag. With a deep sigh, I told him no Game Boy for the night. And that was that.

G's face screwed up and turned red in an expression I was all to familiar with. The tears began to leak, and the angry grunts and growls issued from his throat. I tried to get him into the car as quickly as possible, but he refused. I told him if I had to carry him to the car, he wasn't going to enjoy it. Finally, with many whispered prompts, he stormed to car. As I began to drive off, he kicked the seat, and punched the window. I stomped on the brakes (I was only going about 5 miles an hour in the parking lot) and hollered for him to cut the crap.

I swallowed down my boiling anger and embarrassment, and tried not to squirm from the guilt of my own outburst. Apparently the patience that I had worked so hard to build had been made weak from lack of exercise.

The rest of the night was a wash, and there have been touchy moments ever since. I'm working on rebuilding my fragile patience, and trying not to let the other life stresses eat at it. G is who is, and there's no changing it, only making the best of the bad moments, and enjoying the good. Bearing it with bravery when he screams that he doesn't want to go home in front of all kinds of people I don't know. Basking in the amazement of people who can't believe how smart he is. Smiling at the bewildered cashier when G begins firing random math equations at her. Holding on to the tender, heart trembling moments when he asks me to chase away his bad dreams at night, or hugs me, without me having to force my affections on him. Loving him with all my heart.

Melatonin, You're My Hero!

Wednesday night, we began G on Melatonin as his doctors' suggested for his sleep problems. Every night since has been a small miracle.

Two nights, G was asleep on his book before his reading time was over. Last night, after G bumped his head in bed, I laid down with him, and rubbed his back gently. Before I knew it, he was asleep, breathing deeply, his body still beneath my hand. I was completely stunned.

Even though there have still been meltdowns, G's overall attitude has improved. Last night when he was on the verge of a fit, he even removed himself to his room for a few minutes to shout it out, returning shortly. I've seen him sit quietly, relaxed, instead of spinning and hopping around like a mad man. He has shown me affection I haven't seen in ages, even making me a get well card for my head cold.

It's amazing what a few good nights rest can do. Now if I could only figure out how to get one myself.....

G Has Autism

Monday was the day of G's full evaluation, the one we've waited for over a year to receive. We spent the day answering questions, listening to G answer questions, watching G be examined physically, watching as G played and interacted with the doctors. I went through it all, my stomach in knot, wondering what each doctor was writing down, if G was doing things "right".

At the end of the day, we spoke with the doctor while G played computer games in the next room. The first thing that she told us, was that G was astoundingly smart. In fact, he has and IQ of 122 (confirming once and for all that my children are indeed smarter than me). With that said, she went on to explain that G did in fact have a mild case of Aspergers.

Even though we have known that for so long, finally hearing it out loud still hit me, making my brain freeze and stealing the air from my chest for a brief moment.

We were told to start G on Melatonin for his sleep problems, and to look into getting him OT through school, and exploring socialization groups. She advised us to stay calm in the midst of his fits, to help him with joint compressions, and to stop struggling so much over food. She told us to look into the Maine Autism Network, and wished us luck, assuring us that G was a wonderful and extremely bright boy.

And G is still G no matter what. His amazing teacher called me yesterday to let me know she was having G join a new math club at school, and he continued to be a "dear" in his classroom. Last night we struggled through yet another meltdown. Tonight, we will begin the Melatonin. Now that we k now for sure what's going on, we can work to help G the best we can. And maybe find a little help for ourselves along the way.