Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Weight Loss Mantra

After yet another struggle with my wardrobe this morning to find something to wear to work that wouldn't be cutting me in half by the end of the day, I decided it was time. You know, that time. That time where you have to decide either to crack down on the diet and exercise thing, or finally give up and buy the next size up in pants.

After a brief fantasy of giving up, eating like crazy, and finally reaching 300 lbs., I decided to go with option #1, diet and exercise. I'm weeping inside already, but I'm just not ready to embrace the idea of crossing the line into true fat-dom. I can barely stand chubby-ville as it is.

And so, in order to fully immerse myself in the spirit of fitting back into my clothes, I have developed a few key inspirational phrases, such as:

*deep cleansing breath*

A bowl of Special-K is just as delicious as a donut

Splenda really does taste just like real sugar

Size 14 is not the new size 4

*deep shuddering breath*

I do not require chocolate to survive

*tears welling slightly*

Exercising will give me more energy, not sap my remaining strength and will to live

No one will look at me funny in the gym because I don't wear $200 gym shoes or the latest high-tech sports bra

*final cleansing breath*

In a few short years of hard work, I too can look like Dita Von Tese

*and exhale*