Saturday, January 24, 2009


So, we got a call home from school the other day, informing us that G had gotten into a fight with another boy on the playground. The worse part? G had kicked the other boy in the family jewels.

Now, being a female, I was a little shocked. I didn't think dudes ever kicked each other in the junk. I pretty much thought this was encoded into their DNA. Was this just another social cue that G had missed due to his Aspergers?

Baffled, I asked GH. "Isn't kicking another guy in the junk a violation of the man law or something? I thought guys just didn't do that. "

"Well, when you're half the guy's size, you use every advantage you can get." He said, shrugging.

"But we didn't even see the kid, how do you know G was half his size."

"Honey, G is half the size of all the kids."

True, I will give him that. So, is this size thing a man rule loophole? I have so much to learn about raising a boy......

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Prozac Nation

Things have finally seemed to even out. Even though the weekend was a bit hectic die to work (I was carrying our on-call pager this week), I still managed to find time to bake cookies, let the kids frolic in a blizzard, and even watch "A Cinderella Story" with my daughter. I did my best to relax, to enjoy, and I think I did all right.

The journey towards happiness and mental stability is a long one, a hard one, and one that never ends for some people. I like to think that with the steps I've been taking lately, I'm bounding down that road, getting closer to feeling like a complete person. I have so many wonderful things in my life, that I just want to be able to enjoy them to my fullest.

For so long, I've struggled with depression. It's something I can admit now, out loud and unashamed, and it's o.k. I'm finally taking control. Counseling is going well, and this Monday my PCP prescribed antidepressants. They'll take about a month to be effective, but I'm eager for the change. I want to be a better person for my family and for myself. I have big dreams for us, and I can't let things stand in my way anymore. I'm on the road, and walking steadily ahead....

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Yesterday I got W-2's for me and GH and I was super excited to get taxes filed so we could get our tax refund. After carefully plugging all of our info into H&R Block online, I was ecstatic to learn that we have enough to pay off all of our bad debt, and go out for a nice dinner with what's leftover. No fun toys or furniture this year, but this is going to get us into our own house so much faster.

I talked to another mortgage lender today, and she said once we pay that off, if we could get a secured credit card that would help our credit as well. She said that within a few months, we should be looking at buying a house!!!! Yeah!

And now that that seems to be in place, I get nervous. Every time something seems to good to be true, I often assume it is. So now I'm having paranoid delusions about our tax return not going through, that there will be some kind of problem. I try to keep the anxiety from taking over, but sometimes it's hard when you're counting on something so much.

So for now I'll wait it out for the next few days and try not to worry. It's freezing here, so I hope to do some baking this weekend and maybe watch a good movie with the kids. I'll do my best to drown my anxiety in cookie dough and board games, with smiles and family warmth.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Kicking Debt's Ass

Realizing that we aren't going to approved for a mortgage anytime soon has really been dragging me down. I keep picturing homes that are all ours- where we can paint, knock down walls, plant gardens, and have a bazillion dogs without ever having to ask permission. Sometimes I throw in a jewelry studio in a quaint little out building. Sometimes there's Alpacas, which I will groom and spin yarn from to feed my newest knitting obsession. Hey, fantasies don't have to be reasonable right? Especially when you're wallowing?

So, after shedding some tears, screaming in frustration, and being generally depressed, I'm finally ready to start kicking some ass. I'm finally ready to stop sniffling and start taking charge of things. If nothing else, I'm a planner, and I'll do my best to use all of my mega-planning skills to fix our credit and get us on track to getting us a mortgage.

Now, my bad credit debt isn't huge by any means. Actually, by all standards it's very manageable. Basically it's a accumulation of medical debts from when we were without insurance, and few random other crappies. So, in a move of completely faked bravery, I'm putting all of my debt out there for everyone to see, and tracking my progress paying it off through my blog. This will become a part of my motivation to keep things on track.

So, without further ado, here are my collection debts:

Mean Collector #1:
$453.78 - This is a phone bill that my ex left me with after calling me collect for about a month. The original bill was $605, but they agreed to settle with me for this amount with a payment of $75 per month. I think I can hack that.

Mean Collector #2:
$75- Medical
$107- Medical
$159- Medical

I asked if they could combine these into one account and accept payments. They said no. I asked if they would settle with me for less. They said no. Ass hats.

Mean Collector #3:
$427- Medical, for my daughter's lovely stitches she needed right after I moved to Maine and had no medical insurance. But I digress....
$105- Medical
$95- Medical
$95- Medical
$288- Medical
$137- Medical

These guys also refused to combine accounts and accept payments, or settle for a lesser amount. Gah.

So, the total amount of bad credit accounts I need to pay off is $1514.78. It's a big amount for me, but not too huge all things considered. I just have to take a big breath, bite the bullet, and start paying things off one by one. My goal is to pay off one bad debt per month minimum. This month won't happen, as we're still catching up from Christmas, but I'm ready to get it going in February.

In order to track my progress, I'm going to put a widget on my side bar to show what's been paid, and to beg for money :)

If anyone has any tips, or knows of any help available to pay off old medical bills, please share. In the meantime, I'm going to chisel away the best I can. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The Progress

So far, the New Year's resolutions have already taken a hit. Yesterday, my mortgage application, the one that I was pretty much assured would go through, was denied. This was after we had found the house of dreams the day before. I'm seriously crushed. The mortgage man told me that a year ago, my application would have passed easily, but because of the current state of the market. My portfolio just wasn't strong enough. He gave me some tips on strengthening it, and told me we could revisit it again in six months. Crap.

Of course, right after I received this news, I had my first therapy session. There was a lot of crying involved. However, I really liked the woman I met with, and think this is going to be super helpful. Good times.

On the plus side, G has had a phenomenal week! He's avoided meltdowns and even cleaned his room without one complaint! It's like a belated Christmas miracle. Right now, I'll take what I can get, and that's a big gift indeed.