Children's Poems

This post is a part of Painted Maypole's Monday Mission. This week's mission is to write a children's style poem or story.

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A Day In The Life Of K

It's a joy to be a pretty girl,
My golden locks I twist and twirl.
I love to paint my nails bright pink,
And act just like my poo don't stink.

When things aren't going quite my way
I whine and cry and wail all day.
My high pitched shrieks make parents crazy,
And makes their brains all kinds of hazy.

My brother makes me really mental
And with him I'm not always gentle.
I've been known to hit and fight
although I know it isn't right.

When I'm happy, I'm as sweet as can be
Honey and sugar has nothing on me.
My dulcet tones make birdies sing
My smile can cure most anything

To Hannah Montana I like to rock out,
Her music makes me scream and shout.
A rock star I will be someday
And all my mommie's bills I'll pay



A Day In The Life Of G

There are days when things are tough,
Expressing myself is pretty rough.
I ask the same questions again and again,
It's math books that I love to scan.

Star Wars is my greatest love,
From my sis I get a shove.
Food and I are enemies,
I don't even like most cheese.

Quiet and still, my affections are rare
But when I am sweet, I'm beyond compare.
My hugs are few, and kisses less,
But I'll give you love when you're under stress

I love my mom, I love my dad,
Even when they make me mad.
Though I may scream and I may shout
Of my true heart, there is no doubt

Brotherly Love

Me: (relating the story of K's birth to my Mother-In-Law)... and then they had to suction out her lungs as soon as she was out. She didn't make a sound for the longest time, and I was so scared.

G: Why were you scared mom? Is it bad for babies to be quiet?

Me: Well G, when babies are born, they usually cry.

G: Why do they cry?

Me: Because being born is pretty scary. It's cold, and it's bright, and babies don't understand what's going on.

G: And K didn't cry?

Me: No

G: (after a thoughtful pause) Wow mom, K must be really brave. (in awe) She's so brave she didn't even cry when she was born.


And now back to our regularly scheduled sibling bickering...

It's Sticky! It's Fun! It's Pure Evil!

When I came home the other night from work, I thought nothing of it to see K cruising around the house wearing a goofy hat. After all, K often wears a lot of strange things. It's part of being a fabulous princess/pop star with a unique sense of fashion.

After a bit, K resurfaced sans hat. As she turned around, I couldn't help but notice something wasn't quite right with the back of her head. After some squinting and head scratching, I called her over, and turned her around. This is the sight I was greeted by.



I gasped. I spluttered. I tipped my head.



Still there.

Now, I know what you're thinking: That's a whole lot of gum. But, here is where pure visuals lie, for, it wasn't gum, but Silly Putty.

Me: (trying to swallow my hysteria) K, where did you get Silly Putty?

K:I found it under the couch.

Me: (slowly turning 8 shades of purple while plucking at matted, sticky clumps of hair) And how did it get in your hair?

K: I put it there.

Ahh yes, because why on earth wouldn't you place a lump of Silly Putty on your head? Plugging my brain aneurysm with one finger, and plucking ineffectively at Silly Putty covered hair with the other, I shrieked for GH to bring me my computer, while in the same breath berating him for not noticing the Silly Putty covered head of our daughter, who informed me she had stuck it in her hair around lunch time.

After a quick Internet search, GH helpfully related to me that Silly Putty was a silicone based substance, so all we has to do was use something on her hair that broke down silicone. After screaming a few obscenities along the lines of "Who the hell knows what breaks down silicone!?!?" and ranting that I never took chemistry, GH proceeded to scroll down to where helpful mothers shared their own Silly-Putty-in-hair experiences.

After reading through the page, we decided that the hand sanitizer method sounded the most reasonable. Marching K up into the bathroom, I doused her putty covered locks in Purell, wrapped it in plastic wrap, and waited the suggested 20-60 minutes.


After 60 minutes (yeah, I waited the maximum just to be safe), I unwrapped K's hair and rinsed her head in the tub. And, miracle of miracles, the flesh colored goo came out of her hair.

Feeling relieved, I informed K just how lucky she was not to have had half of her hair cut off. I dried her hair, thanking the heavens for the Internet and web savvy moms. However, as the hair dried, I realized there was a problem. The place where the putty was was oddly sticky and greasy.

I doused her head with dish washing liquid. Shampoos, conditioners, even rubbing alcohol (another silicone destroying product- I swear I didn't invent that out of desperation) wouldn't take it away. After several days of washing, it's still oddly sticky and greasy in that one spot. I've made her wear her hair up to hide the remaining yuckiness.

I know it will wear out, eventually. Until then, I will continue to keep Silly Putty on my growing list of hated substances.

I Want To Be Hannah Montana When I Grow Up

Thanks to watching repetitious hours of the Disney channel due to winter storms and below zero temps, my 5-year-old K is madly in love with Hannah Montana.


(This poster actually lives on K's wall)

But what little girl isn't? I mean, you can't avoid Hannah Montana these days- she is everywhere! Hannah Montana shampoo, Hanna Montana sheets, Hannah Montana snacks. Seriously, if I see Hannah Montana toilet paper, I'm leaving the country.



Hannah Montana is in the the news constantly. Her tickets sell for thousands of dollars, and her concerts have been likened to Beetle mania. And yesterday? One of her songs was on my radio station! It's bad enough that I catch myself humming Hannah Montana tunes while fixing dinner, but now she's officially invaded my grown-up air waves.

When all is said and done though, I guess I find myself wishing I could be Hannah Montana. I mean, the girl has everything! Fame, popularity, more money than she could spend in a lifetime, and the adoration of little girls all over the country. The adoration of my little girl! (I bet if Hannah Montana told K she wasn't allowed to have a candy bar before dinner she wouldn't burst into tears and storm out of the room. But, I digress...)Grown-ups appreciate her too for her wholesome image and inspiring songs about girl power, and so on. Plus? Being 15 again would be great. I mean, that was ages before things stared traveling south. If I was my 15-year-old self again, I would definitely be rocking it on stage. So keep on rocking it Hannah. Before you're old. And fat. It will happen. (Please let me be alive to see it).

So Hannah, though I may lament your cheery beats as they pop around in my brain, my daughter loves you, which means I guess I do a little too. Just please stay off my grown-up air waves- it's one of my few adult sanctuaries. Oh, and please don't get pregnant. I really don't want to have to try to explain that one to my 5-year-old.....

I Did It!!

Yesterday I took my Praxis exam. I was so nervous I was shaking and nodding like a complete idiot when I got to the testing site, and I think the test administer thought I was a bit off.

After 4.5 (see my stellar new mathematical skills?) of staring at a computer screen and fighting anxiety induced stomach cramps, I hit the button to finish, and waited as two out of my three scores were computed instantly. I needed a 175 on each part in order to be accepted into the program I'm applying for.

The Results:
Reading- 185
Math-180

Yeah me!!!! After several years of not taking any kind of test, or performing any math functions outside of basic adding and subtracting, I still passed.

Last night I packaged up all of my application materials, and this morning sent them out first thing. Now I wait. For up to two months. Wait, and imagine all of the applications, better than mine, piling up in the college admissions office. Waiting, and hoping a call will come. Waiting...

At least I can feel good knowing that I tried. Now at least I'll know if I was good enough to get into the program. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed, praying that I am.

I Love My Children But.....

I love both of my children. Dearly. But sometimes, sometimes, I'd really like send them both off to military school. Just for a little while. Just long enough for them to absorb enough discipline to keep them from terrorizing each other. For the concept of honor to sink in just far enough to keep them from ratting each other out for every imagined indiscretion. To be self-sufficient enough that they can get their own glass of water while I'm on the toilet.

In an effort to make up for lost quality time with the kids, I took vacation time from work while they were out of school for Christmas break. I imagined cuddle time, story time, loads of backing, and fun craft projects. What I got instead were two stir crazy children. Even though we took them to the movies, traveled to the world's best sledding hill, and had parades of seldom seen, exotic family members tramping through the house, it just wasn't enough. We build gingerbread houses, baked sugar cookies, and cut out snowflakes. Still, nothing compared to the sheer joy of constant whining, and sibling bickering.

Yesterday was the kid's first day back at school, and my first day back at work. I was ashamed at the relief I felt at the calm, steady murmur of adult voices. GH reclaimed the house with glee, and I suspect he snuck in a nap and some computer gaming time (ass). With the welcome break from each other, I thought the evening would be a breeze. Sometimes I can be a real dumb-ass. Instead of happy children, pleasantly tired from a fun day of friends and stimulating learning, I arrived home to a temper tantrum from G, and two over-tired, hungry, crabby insane little midgets. And GH? I expected a relaxed, calm, house husband with dinner on the table. Instead, I was greeted with a hubby frazzled by the assault of the children,battling raging temper tantrums, and fighting over after-school snacks. Dinner was a over an hour late, lending its self to the general crankiness.

Hopefully today will be a bit more on track. In the meantime, I fantasize about military school. Perhaps they would let me send GH as well.....

New Year's Resolutions

Painted Maypole's Monday Mission this week is to make a list of New Year's Resolutions. Since she kept hers on a serious note, I will too, since it's something I've actually been giving a lot of thought to lately.

1.) Get accepted into the teacher certification graduate program. This is by far the most important resolution of all. This is my shot at having the career I've always wanted. This is my shot at being truly happy at what I'm doing. I'm working hard to get in, and I'm praying they'll accept me. I will succeed at this.

2.)Find a new job. The job I have now makes me miserable. It forces me to work Saturdays. Right now, I have to cling to it to pay the bills while GH still remains unemployed. This past week, I've been sending out my resume to every decent job I can find. I'm working on it as hard as I can, and I know something will pan out soon.

3.) Loose at least 20 pounds. My waistline keeps expanding, and it's high time it start moving in the other direction. Though this is a resolution I've made before, this year I intend to make it stick.

4.) Improve my jewelry making skills, and other art skills. I've really been working on improving myself as an artist, and this year I'd like to improve even further.

5.) Do more craft shows. Last year I began bringing my jewelry to craft shows. It really helped improve my confidence, and I met a lot of other great artists. This year I want to do more shows, and bring a wider range of art. I hope to do a lot better this year.

6.) Get something published professionally. So far the highlight of my writing career has been a few freelance articles in the local paper. This year, I'd like to see some of my writing in a real publication that people read. And, I'd like it to be something more creative than the local high school's academic decathlon (no joke, that was one of the articles I wrote.

7.) Start saving money. All right, this is something I've always been terrible at. Setting money aside is tough, especially when things are tight. This year, I will put money aside if it kills me. This year is the car breaks down, or I need emergency dental work, I resolve to have money set aside so it will not bankrupt us.

8.) Keep in better touch with my family. Losing my grandmother really drove home how important it is to keep in touch with family, no matter how busy I get. This year, I will send out cards, send out emails, and make sure to attend more family get togethers.

9.) Be a better mother. Spend more time with the kids. Be more patient. Do more fun activities. Be more patient. Show more affection. Be less stressed out. Did I mention be more patient?

We'll see how well this list holds up throughout the year. At least it's here for me to check in on down the road when I start to loose sight of what's important.....

Praxis Prep a.k.a I Still Suck at Math

Today I managed to find a wee bit of downtime to do some studying for my big Praxis exam, which I have to take for my application to the teaching certification program.
Though my former English professor assured me I would pass it no problem, I figured it never hurts to study and stress out about it until I have a bleeding ulcer.

So far, my studying has proved:

1.) I am still good at all all things English.
2.) I still blow at all things mathmatic.
3.) Math has not gotten any easier as I've gotten older. Despite the promises of many a math teacher, I do not use algebraic equations in everyday life. Ergo, I have forgotten how to do most algebraic equations.
4.) Numbers still make my brain hurt.

In conclusion, math is 1/3 of my test score. Looks like I'll be cozying up to fractions, decimals, and right angle triangles. Wish me luck with my super fun brain hemorage.

Is It Over Yet?

Christmas is finally over, which means time to come out of hiding. Big sighs of relief fill the air, and the children finally began to stop shaking from the combination of sugar, exciting gifts, and visiting family. I am finally begining to be able to see my floor again.

I'm quite proud that I managed to get through the season, and even accomplish some of my list of wild ambitions. I actually sent out the Christmas cards. I made gingerbread houses with the kids. I finished almost all of the necklaces I wanted to give as gifts. Yeah me!

Now begins the time of empty bank accounts, deep thoughts as I ponder New Year's resolutions, and serious stress as I get everything together to apply to go back to school. On the plus side, I will have more time to blog, more time to create, and more time to focus on the ones I love, now that things are settliung back to normal. I even have fabulous photos to post..... eventually.

The Holiday List of What Could Have Been

Full of the holiday spirit (i.e. frustration and guilt) I've decided to jump in on Painted Maypole's Monday Mission this week and create my own holiday inspired list.

My list is The List of Holiday Good Intentions, aka The List of Things I Really Meant to Do This Year for Christmas, But Will Not Complete:

1. The adorable little hand puppets I intended to make for my nieces and nephews. The materials sit in a bag, the googly eyes staring up at me accusingly, the super soft fake fur begging to stroked and loved.

2. The Christmas cards. Every year I vow to send these out. This year, I bought the cards and filled them out. They are now sitting in the box, waiting for cute pictures of the kids, stamps, and addresses. Maybe I'll get to it tomorrow.

3. A gingerbread house. I downloaded some spectacular gingerbread house plans from Bob Villa himself. Visions of adorable, edible villages dance in my head. Instead, I made some gingerbread men. Even those didn't manage to get icing.

4. Handmaking all my gifts. Please see previous post for all the lame details.

5. Listing new items on my Etsy site. I really wanted to take advantage of the holiday buying season to sell some lovely new items to potential buyers. But no, even the promise of extra Christmas money couldn't inspire me to find the extra 10 minutes to get this done.


So there you have it, the top 5 reasons why I suck at Christmas this year. I think my family should be pretty grateful we have a tree up at this point. So please, feel free to bask in the complete and utter failure of all my best holiday intentions.

A Half-Assed Handmade Christmas

In my "spare time", I make jewelry, and various other crafts, and attempt to sell them on a site called Etsy. This site offers a great, super-supportive marketplace, and community for independent artists and crafters.

Well, this year, in the spirit of avoiding toy recalls, and support all things handmade, the lovely crafters at Etsy started a campaign to get people to give only handmade gifts this year, either made by yourself or a fellow crafter.

Even though I didn't stick the icon on my blog (because I'm lazy and HTML, even copied and pasted, still freaks me out, I took the pledge to keep my Christmas handmade.

For the women in my life, the easy answer was jewelry. They would all receive a piece of jewelry. The men would receive scarves, the only thing I'm capable of knitting. For all of the kids, I decided to make fun, timeless, hand puppets. Oh, and for certain families, quilts. No biggie.

With the best of intentions, I went out and bought all of the supplies. Yards of fabric for the quilts. Fake fur, googly eyes, and felt for puppets. Glass, chain, and beads for jewelry. Piles of yarn for knitting.

Then my grandmother passed and I spent an unplanned for week in Vermont. And then I decided to go back to school and needed study time for the PRAXIS exam. And then my bum tooth got infected and incapacitated me with days worth of pain, followed by days worth of antibiotics and Vicodin. And so on. All of these things and more stealing away precious days of gift making time.

In short, here is the handmade gift total as of now, 10 days before Christmas:

1 scarf in a light lime green no man will wear
7 half completed necklaces

I blow. Does it still count if I hand make the cards?

I will keep an ongoing total of what I manage to complete from my overblown ambitions. Feel free to laugh and point, and taunt me freely.

Life Changes

There's nothing like the passing of a loved one to make you take stock of your life, especially the things that are most important to you. It also makes the regrets that much sharper and clearer.

With all of that weighing down on me, I've taken careful inventory of the pantry of my life. There were a lot of dusty cans and boxes that I pushed to the back of the shelves like so much creamed corn. Some of them were labeled things like "Staying In Touch With Relatives" or "Sending Holiday Cards". I've dusted each one off and have promised myself not to let them be forgotten again.

One of the biggest, bulkiest boxes I've pulled out was "Career". This is one that that gets neglected the most often in the crush of needing to pay bills and take care of day to day duties. In the box are my dreams of being a teacher and a writer, resting next to my hard earned English Literature degree. It's this box that I have made the most demanding promise to tackle.

The one thing that is standing in the way of my dreams of teaching, is an official state issued teaching certification. While I was in college, I was all set up to earn this in conjunction with my English degree. Unfortunately, with the demands of being a single parent at that time, I just couldn't finish the educational portion of my degree. I told myself that would be fine, that I could just find a job teaching at a private high school that didn't require teaching certification.

Little did I know what a pipe dream that was. Out in the real world, even private schools want certifications, or experience equivalent to one. After an ambitious round of job applications, I put my teaching dreams in a box and shelved them. I pursued jobs in publishing, but in Maine, these are few and far between, and even with my degree and previous experience, I was denied time and again. With that, those ambitions were tossed into the same box, and shoved out of sight, out of mind, while I took the best job I could in order to pay the bills.

And here I am now, with I job that is frustrating, and out of my field. While it is rewarding, and does pay the bills, there is no future for me where I am now. It's not what I worked four long years to achieve. It's not my dream.

Now there is an opportunity staring me in the face. At a local college, they offer an intensive program for people who already have a four year degree to earn their teaching certification in just 9 months. It's a grueling dawn till dusk program, and I wouldn't be able to hold a job while I was in it. I contemplated applying last year, but chickened out and missed the deadline. I told myself that it was impossible.

But now, after staring at this box, dust covered, and brimming with faded, but powerful dreams, I tell myself it is possible. If GH can find a decent job, and I can pull off some serious student loans, it could happen. It would mean sacrifice for all of us, but in the end, it would pay off, I just know it.

The first application deadline is January 9th. There's little time to make it on that first list. I've emailed former professors who have promised me the required letters of recommendation. Today, I took the ultimate step and called to arrange to take the required Praxis exam on January 7th. It was a large chunk of money, and it's right at the deadline, so I have one shot to pass, to get it right.

So I'm doing it. No more giant dusty boxes. Life is to short to not be doing what I love, what I've always dreamed of. No more boxes, tins, or cans of regret.

Back From Blogger Hiatus

Recent developments in my life caused me to M.I.A from the internet in general. I have fallen behind in reading my favorite blogs, and way behind on posting myself.

The biggest event that kept me offline was the death of my grandmother. There were a lot of family issues involved there, and it's taken a while for me to pull my head together, and to make sure my mother was on stable ground.

Now that things are settled, I have some catching up to do; blogs to read, stories to share, and holiday madness to kvetch about. Can't wait to jump back in and get caught up.

Failure

Well, in case it's not painfully obvious, I have officially failed both NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. It's sad, but true. I went for far too much at at once. I was spending every moment glued to my keyboard, and stressing out as I fell further and further behind. In the end, I decided the endeavors weren't worth my sanity, especially when the only reward was my own self-satisfaction. Frankly, I think sanity is much more valuable commodity.

So, now that I've stopped having anxiety attacks every time I approach my laptop, I will try to enjoy my blogging once again. Perhaps next year I will try to commit creative suicide once again with either NaBloPoMo or NaNoWriMo.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled insanity......

The Christmas Gift Dilema

All right, as I posted yesterday, I'm working on handmade gift ideas for my family and GH's family for Christmas. Here are the ideas I'm working on:

-Quilts
-Scarves
-Hand painted boxes
-Jewelry

This is where I am, and I have to start pulling things together. I'm in desperate need of some ideas to make these gift ideas cohesive, maybe make the scarves match the quilts. Or, just make one quilt per family and call it good. I just don't know.

Is it wrong that I'm already wishing Christmas was over?

Homemade Christmas

Due to the financial stresses of this year's holiday season, I've taken it upon myself to make all of the adult Christmas gifts for this year. I've started knitting, painting, and cross-stitching. While I don't have a coherent theme for my homemade gifts yet, I'm praying something will emerge. I'm hoping my family and GH's will appreciate the time and effort that I put into the gifts, and look past the fact that cost little money.

The kids are helping as well, painting ornaments and bird houses as gifts and decorations. At the grocery store this weekend, there was a food drive going on, and I had K help me pick out a few cans of soup to donate. I explained that while we didn't have much right now, there were other families that were much worse off, without even enough food to eat. She was very excited about helping out other people. I'm really hoping that the financial hardship of this year's Christmas season will at least help to teach the kids about what's really important in our lives.

On the plus side, it seems that this year Christmas is going to be held at our house. Nothing is definite yet, but it seems to be on the way to full out confirmation. I'm excited, and nervous. It will be fun to be the one who gets to take over Christmas, the cooking, the traditions, being able to let the kids have Christmas at home. But at the same time it's sad- It will be the first Christmas we won't spend in my parent's home. It's a huge change, and an admittance that my parents are growing older. I'm not sure that I'm ready for that. I'm not sure that I'm ready to be the grown-up house, to do the airport picking up, coordinating the gift opening, do the cookie decorating, etc.

So it seems that this year will be a year of many changes, of shifts in attitude and tradition. I just hope I'm a grown-up enough adult to bear it with grace, and not cry a little when my sister and I can't sneak into my parents room (as we've always done, right up till last year) and beg them to let us go downstairs and open presents at 3 in the morning.

Shoes, shoes and some..... shoes

Thank you to Lawyer Mama for tagging me for her shoe meme. She's one of my very favorite bloggers, and I'm excited to be tagged by her :)


I've never been much of a shoe person. As a total tom-boy, and then teenage hooligan, I never developed the proper girly love for shoes. I never properly conformed my feet to the rigors of high heels. Combat boots and other boot-like shoes were pretty much my standard. Even sneakers were a rarity.

Well, after finally growing up a bit and becoming a working professional and a mom, I've tried hard to change my attitude about shoes. I was successful in learning to love them- unfortunately I've still never gotten the hang of wearing most of them



These shoes are a prime example of shoes I love, but can't wear. I bought them during one of my many promises to myself to learn to wear heels. This photo is the first time they've been on my feet since buying them in the store two years ago. I own several pairs of shoes like these. They are beautiful, delicate, with slender, arching heels. They make my feet look elegant and sexy. Then I take three steps in them, and it feels like my feet are broken. So, they all live together in my closet.

The shoes that I actually wear daily are boring and flat and go with everything:

They are black, they are cotton, and they cost $8.

The other pair of shoes are my "weekend shoes"

They are still flat, cotton, and serviceable. But, they have super cute skulls. I can go to the craft store in them in still feel care free. I can go grocery shopping and feel like a rebel.

Last Minute Craft Show

Looks like I'll be selling my fabulous crafts at a craft show tomorrow. This is so last minute that I'm in a bit of panic. All right, in a LOT of a panic.

With that said, this is my post for today. I'm going to be up all night trying to create as many crafts as possible. Wish me luck!

The Tooth Fairy's Rebuttal

The following is the note that was found beneath G's pillow this morning along with $3

Dear G,

I am very sorry that I didn't come to get your tooth the night before. I hope you weren't too upset. You see, my Tooth Fairy magic told me you would be loosing another tooth today as well, so I decided to get them both at once instead of making two trips.
Keep up the good work in school and be sure to listen to your parents. I'll visit again the next time you loose a tooth.

Love,

The Tooth Fairy

"I'm A Bad Mom" Moment

Yesterday, G lost a tooth at school. They gave him a neat little treasure chest to put it in, and he dutifully tucked it under his pillow, eager for the Tooth Fairy to visit.

Exhausted after a full day of training, I crawled into bed to rest, and promptly fell asleep. So did GH.

This morning when I went in to wake G up, he presented me with the little green plastic treasure chest, still holding his tooth. He wondered why the Tooth Fairy hadn't come. I felt so bad that tears swam in my eyes as I tried to make up plausible excuses for why the Tooth Fairy hadn't made it. Luckily G concluded that the Tooth Fairy had found the treasure chest to heavy. I vowed to myself that the Tooth Fairy would make it up to him tonight.

Today when I got home, G presented me with another tooth in another small plastic chest. Two teeth in two days. Tonight the Tooth Fairy will have to do triple duty just to make up for her utter lameness of last night.

I hate these moments, the moments of feeling like a complete failure as a mom. It's these magic moments that make childhood so special, and to fail at even one of them is crushing. And my excuse? That I fell asleep? That's the most shameful of all.